


The Quick and Everyone Else

by breath_of_mine (tsundanire)



Category: Star Trek RPF
Genre: Chris' lack of being able to eat, Cross-Posted on LiveJournal, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, POV First Person, mentions of anorexia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-13
Updated: 2015-08-13
Packaged: 2018-04-14 12:38:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4564968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsundanire/pseuds/breath_of_mine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the prompt - Chris seems to have lost some weight, between filming and the premiere. Zach notices... (Cross posted from my lj)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Quick and Everyone Else

**Author's Note:**

> This story gave me a chance to try First person style. I have to say... I really enjoyed writing it. It's something that I think I will definitely try again sometime soon. The essence of this story was hard to write, as I am unfamiliar with anorexia, or eating disorders in general. I had a story in mind, but it was tough getting it there. I hope what I wrote came across smoothly, and if not, please do not hesitate to send me a message and let me know. I adore feedback of all kinds, as it will only help me become a stronger author. 
> 
> Reposting Edit: I'm not 100% confidant about reposting this, but I want to have all my stuff (relatively) in one place. I'm more confidant in my writing now than I was when I was writing this, but I have no intention of making changes to the story. I honestly thought about it, taking the story and just editing the heck out of it before reposting it but I feel like that's being dishonest to my younger self. She deserves a chance to be seen and heard to.... Even if I'm not super proud of her stuff. This one in particular strikes me as my least favourite past work because I still don't like the tone to it. But as a writer, this is how we learn. We look at our past and we grow from it. 
> 
> So I apologize now if this is not your cup of tea, but hope that it doesn't stop you from reading my future works~ Enjoy!

 

It took me far too long to notice. I spend almost every waking hour with him. How did I not notice? Was I too distracted with getting Spock just right? Was I too distracted by all his little quirks?  
  
I think he was just being so... him... that none of us noticed. He was shinning in the spotlight, being our Captain. I feel like such an idiot... He is my best friend. I should be the FIRST to notice these things... And I should be the one knocking some sense into him.  
  
Instead I sit with him, interview after interview, pretending like I didn't notice at all. Trying to figure out how to broach the subject.  
  
I can see now, when he stands, how his shirts seem to just float around him instead of the way they used to cling. I try to find excuses to touch him. Like our "secret handshake" except that I play slap him in the chest when we finish.  
  
He doesn't seem to notice that I did it on purpose. Just part of our little games. Hitting him doesn't yield the results I want either, as my hand seems to take a bit longer to connect with flesh than I remember. He's laughing it off and smiling and oozing charm like he always does.  
  
Except now I see it for what it really is. It's all just a show to distract us, and I for one fell right into it. How could I have been so stupid?  
  
We've finished a day of interviews and it's all I can do to stop myself from just barging into his room and demanding that he explain to me just what was going through his mind. He's not being healthy. And that more than anything else, scares me.  
  
I consider calling Zoe and asking her what to do. She is normally the voice of reason when I can't be. And I really can't right now. But talking about this to anyone else just seems like a violation of Chris' privacy. Something I probably wasn't even supposed to notice in the first place.  
  
But then again, he doesn't know how much I watch him. When he talks, or smiles, or just listens to someone talking on the phone. The way his voice sounds when he calls me in the middle of the night and tells me about some dream he just had. Or how sometimes when he makes those calls, that I just listen to the sound of his beard scrape against the phone. Because he is half asleep already and doesn't even notice that I've stopped talking all together... Anything just to hear even a sigh from him.  
  
No he wouldn't know any of that, because I am too damn good at hiding how I feel. I've managed this long with making people think we just have good chemistry. When in reality Chris is an amazing friend, and I just have sexual tension towards my cast mate and best friend.  
  
No I can't call Zoe. But I can call Chris.  
  
He doesn't answer.  
  
I lie awake in my hotel room, lights off of course. This is my failed attempt at fooling my body into thinking it's tired. I should have known that my brain wasn't going to listen. It never does.  
  
I'm far too wound up to even think of sleeping. All I want to do is to go to him. To wrap my arms around him and remind him that no matter what he is going through, he will always have a friend in me and that I would do anything for him.  
  
I even have my phone in hand again, ready to speed dial him.  
  
I don't have the guts.  
  
There is a knock at my door. I nearly jump out of my skin. I must have been focusing too hard on my thoughts. I answer it.  
  
Its him...  
  
He smells like beer and cigarettes. Gross. And yet kind of appealing when mixed with the scent that is so naturally Chris. He smells like... Man... and worn leather. Like a cowboy but from the city. I must be aroused because even my thoughts are beginning to confuse the hell out of me.  
  
I invite him in, watching as he settles into a relaxed position on the bed. He's asking me for some water, which I oblige. Shaky hands grab a water bottle from the mini fridge. I don't know why I'm so nervous.  
  
Yes I do. Its him. He is in my room. He doesn't seem overly drunk, but more on the side of tipsy. Then again, that could have taken quite a few beers. This could be dangerous... But it might also be the opening I needed.  
  
I ask him if he's had some dinner yet. Appealing to the drinking side of him of course. He shakes his head and tells me that he's only eaten a protein bar today.  
  
I sway a little where I stand, feeling a little dizzy. Maybe he's actually drunk enough that he can cause people around him to become inebriated as well. No. I have to stop being in denial. It's not fair to Chris. He clearly needs a friend right now.  
  
I grab a bag of mixed nuts from the top of the mini bar, and toss them over to him. I tell him offhandedly that it's to help him sober up. In reality, I just want to watch him eat something.  
  
I sit beside him on the bed, watching as he opens the bag and inspects each nut, before popping them into his mouth.  
I just wait. Chris is quite loquacious when he wants to be. It mostly happens when there is nothing but pure silence. It's almost as if he has this need to fill the silence. I know that I won't have to bring it up. He'll sing all on his own.  
  
The bag of nuts is empty, though the way he is tonguing the bag... It makes my dick twitch. I've imagined that tongue thousands of times. It's quite the regular in my fantasies. While those piercing blue eyes watch me twitch beneath him. Damn. Now is really not the time for an erection.  
  
He seems to be done with the bag, tossing it on the side table as if it were nothing more than a used tissue. Then those eyes are back to me, watching me... I nearly crack under the pressure when he begins talking to me.  
  
I don't remember what I thought his troubles were before, but it certainly wasn't this. He tells me the truth. He's been thinking so much lately, that he can barely stomach eating.  
  
I ask him if he wants to talk about what's on his mind, if that would help. But he just continues to watch me. I can feel those blue eyes looking through me, as if they could read my very soul. Sometimes I wonder if he can... And sometimes I wonder if that means he already knows how I feel.  
  
He begins talking again. Part of me doesn't want to listen anymore. I'm scared of what he might say. There is a look in those eyes that I recognise... And it's hitting to close to home.  
  
It's the same look I get in my eyes when I look at him. It's that look of longing and desperation. He finally begins talking again. He tells me he's going to miss me. Jokingly I ask him where I'm off to. I try to laugh a little but it gets stuck in my throat.  
  
He doesn't laugh. He just looks at me with sadness in those ridiculously expressive blue eyes. He looks so... broken, and it takes everything I have to stay still. I don't want to spook him.  
  
And then he says it. He finally tells me the source of all his problems. Its five simple little words. Ones that I wish I had the courage to tell him myself. And yet my mouth has gone so dry I don't think I'll be able to talk for a week. It's  a good thing the next set of interviews aren't for that long.  
  
He's looking at me as if he was expecting a response. I don't blame him. When you finally drag up the courage to tell someone that you're in love with them... Well usually it's not fair to leave them hanging. But then I realise that he's probably just trying to understand the "wild" expression on my face.  I'm not used to having people I care for so much, telling me they are in love with me. It's left me a little breathless to say the least.  
  
Before I can even say a word of reciprocation, he's talking again. He's upset that the filming part is over already, and things seem to be moving faster than ever. Before we know it, we'll be back to our lives just like before. He tells me that I'll be back in New York, doing my plays and producing... And that I'll be back with Jonathan. And that I'll forget Chris even exists. Those words give me pause. What on earth does Jon have to do with anything?  
  
Then as if a light switches on somewhere in my brain, everything suddenly clicks. It's completely and utterly my fault. I cannot even begin to fathom what Chris is and has been going through...  
  
It takes barely seconds for me to tackle Chris in a hug. My arms wrap firmly around him and legs trap his solidly beneath. I kiss his beautiful face and begin to whisper all the things I've been holding back. Everything I've felt until this moment. I tell him how desperately and passionately in love with him I am, and how sorry I was for not realising until this moment that he felt the same way... And then the apologies. I feel like I should be apologising forever for making this sweet angel of a being so upset.  
  
I tell him that I'm sorry for being such an ass of a friend. And that I'm sorry for not telling him that Jon was just a friend... Nothing more. Those beautiful blue eyes glance up at me in shock, clearly asking me if what I am saying is true.  
  
I can't help it when a soft smile graces my lips. I tell him that the only thing more true than that, is how deep my love for him is. And how I promise to never leave him behind like that again.  
  
+++  
  
It takes some time before Chris is back to his old self completely. I start by making sure I am present at every meal making sure he eats it. I do my best to ensure that he's given all his favourite foods because what good, newly dubbed boyfriend wouldn't? Considering how little he'd been eating, it does take some time to get that appetite back.  
  
When we finally get home, I introduce Chris to my therapist. They hit it off right away. Seems like things just may end up being ok. We just have to remember to take things one step at a time...  
  
+++  
  
The future is a constant and yet ever changing thing. You never know what it's going to bring, so you just get on and do your best to make it through. We were bound to have some tough times ahead... But the knowledge that at the end of the day we would at least have each other, was more than enough to get me through.  
  
 Chris had his own acting career and I had mine. And we both had our little side projects. But even through all that, for years and years, I never left his side. And even now, as he sits at the breakfast table with the NY times crossword in hand, and nothing on except his adorable grandpa glasses and look of concentration... I realise that there is no place in this galaxy that I would rather be, and no person that I would rather be with.  
  
+++  
  
END


End file.
